March Madness Opening Weekend Big Man Awards
The sports world is coming down from its ultimate high at the moment, as the opening weekend of the NCAA Basketball Tournament has long been heralded as an overload of action. The term “upset” rarely has more meaning than it did over the past weekend, and teams like Oral Roberts, North Texas, Ohio, and Oregon State have carved their place in history (Oral Roberts may hope this rewrites some of their history, but this isn’t the time or place for that conversation).
The debate between NBA versus NCAA basketball always heats up during this weekend as well. An argument for the NBA’s superiority has long been the equity of talent across the league and how that always produces strong competition. I, however, appreciate the ability for college basketball to place a grown man amongst mere boys in certain cases. Watching a college center bully smaller dudes around him always takes me back to my days as a talentless goon in the Pittsburgh Diocese CYO. The pros are evolving past the slow, rebounding, 25% free-throw shooting diesels and opting for a quicker “point-center”, but I see a little bit of myself in the last of the dying breed of true centers. For that reason, I want to recognize some of these true warriors for the work they’ve done in the gauntlet of March.
The MSP (Most Slandered Player) — Cameron Krutwig — Loyala Chicago
The narrative on Loyola Chicago from mainstream sources has been their criminal underseeding. Krutwig’s play proved this to be correct. Unfortunately, if you didn’t watch the game and instead collected info from Twitter, you would think that Illinois was defeated by a 101 year old nun. Without hoping too far into my soapbox, the unfortunate twittersphere created around the Loyola Chicago Ramblers has been painful to watch. The credit given to Sister Jean rather than the players is nothing new, but the recent slant on ULC has been “LMAO IMAGINE LOSING TO THIS GUY” appended with Krutwig’s team photo. In a world of reply-guys and sports copypastas, the traction these tweets have gotten is disgusting. So what, he’s not a beauty pageant competitor. Does that mean he can’t drop buckets and bully national favorites? He looks like a center from the 80s who quit his job as a mechanic and opted to play for the Pistons rather than work on pistons. “LOSING TO THIS GUY” should come as no surprise. As an ugly guy myself, I am elated that Cam Krutwig has proven that a Cinderella doesn’t need to look like a princess, and I can’t wait to keep handing him more awards.
The Vernon Davis Award — Luka Garza, Iowa
I’m walking on a tightrope on this one, and I guess I’m okay with that. Luka Garza took a wrestling school and made them relevant in another winter sport, a blessing for rural America. With Indiana’s fall from grace in the last half century, America’s heartland has needed this eyebrowed hoops savior. Garza’s Hawkeyes were unfortunately a product of the PAC 12 buzz saw we all were lucky enough to watch this weekend. The end to his illustrious career was expected to be emotional, but did he have to make it so obvious? I saw Tiktoks from Iowa fans with more legitimate tears than Luka. His own father was in the crowd tearing up, while Luka could only squint hard enough to get red eyes and look like he’s pushing out a fart that doesn’t wanna cooperate. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he left all of his emotion on the court, but in that case, you’ve just got to own it. Walk off the court and faint to explain the dry eyes. Iowa fans, entrenched in the history of Dan Gable, recognize the significance of a good effort blackout.
Thankfully, Luka has so many more great moments to be remembered by, including a jersey retirement before his final game, so I think he’ll be alright. However, lest we forget his Oscar snub of a final act.
The Wish You Were Here Award — ___________, Ohio State
This one hurts. The easy way out of watching my Buckeye’s fall to a 15 seed who’s team isn’t even verified on Twitter is blaming the Big Ten burning each other out because they were all so good in the regular season. I’m gonna refuse to accept that reality, however. This was an example of tradition vs. innovation, and tradition always wins. With a 7 foot thumper cleaning the glass and throwing dream shakes to open up a hookshot, the turnovers and missed shots that plagued Chris Holtmann’s team may still be dancing. Having a guy like that wouldn’t have stopped Max Abmas from ripping twine from damn near the logo all game, but maybe he doesn’t get as many shots thanks to a sure handed giant. The loss of Kyle Young in the Big Ten tournament definitely didn’t help, but even he wasn’t a true Round Mound of Rebound that can change the game. The tragic fate of the 2021 Buckeyes should serve as a cautionary tale, as history is doomed to repeat itself. Don’t forget about the big guy, no matter what the big wigs and analytics tell you.
“Why’d You Have to Go So Soon?” Award — Neemias Queta, Utah State
If Neemias Queta somehow reads this, I want him to know I’ve always been a fan and I have never dreamed of saying anything bad about you. Queta entered the first round against Texas Tech as an NCAA leader in blocks, and he posted 7 (SEVEN) more along with 13 rebounds in the first round, most of each coming with force. The Aggies were full of fun characters you want to root for, including Brock Miller, conquerer of Alopecia, and Marco Anthony, the player who wears number 44 in honor of the Wendy’s 4 for 4, but Queta still may have been my favorite. I’m sure we’ll see him flying above the rim to end the hopes and dreams of a Red Raider layup in the One Shining Moment video, but I really do wish we could see him do it in April.
Thanks for Coming Out — Connor Hanover, Arkansas
Connor Hanover played 4 minutes in the first two rounds, so he gets a 4 line poem.
Mr. Hanover towers at 7 foot 3,
Every moment on the court he’s a sight to see.
Against Colgate he took the floor,
And in the Sweet 16, to give, he has more.
The Lifetime Achievement Award — Zach Edey, Purdue
Sure, the lifetime achievement award for a Freshman is new and denies some other fantastic big men who have proven to be national forces (cc: Kofi Cockburn, Jeremiah Robinson-Earl, Evan Mobley), but Edey is the newest member of a proud lineage of 7'4" Boilermakers. Purdue seems to 3D print these guys, and whatever formula they have for them, Edey’s DNA has definitely been added for future products. I’m happy to welcome him into this special club and I’m excited to see how he plays next year with this honor on his shoulders.
I’d like to thank all of the nominees and contestants for fending off the threat of small ball in the NCAA for one year longer. The Council (me) appreciates your service.
